me-time.

Everyone everywhere is talking about the importance of having me-time and how it can help in maintaining our mental health.

The belief is that our mental health affects how we think, feel and act. 

I also believe that when we become mothers, we are mentally prepared to make - being our own person, an employee, a partner, a spouse, and any other roles we play in our lives - these all work in our favour.

There is an emphasis on a work-life balance in the workplace. Depending on where you are working, the balance would actually help you draw a line between work and family. Or, if I am being blunt about it, the lines are between salaried work and housework. If we put it down to the minutes and seconds, time with the family is not all that balanced. 

I do not bring work home. Or at least, I try not to. And by bringing work, I mean physical items from the office that I would attempt to complete at home. Mentally, I do think about work once in a while. 

I teach. As a teacher, I have a timetable to follow. The daily routine of following a schedule flows into the home. And like any other job, deadlines to meet. This practice of doing work within a schedule and meeting my own deadlines is brought into my home life.
I say it is routine and discipline - that children need those.
To learn limits.
To know when to stop.
To respect their own bodies and acknowledge when to rest. 
Sometimes, I feel like I am too regimental.
Too rigid.
When that happens, I have to tell myself, "Slow down, Mom."
But, it is in these routines that I find the time for myself.

Now, if one-third of my day is dedicated to working, another one-third is for my children's waking hours, and the final third for sleep, when does me-time come into the picture?

Frankly, I steal some time from all the thirds. That free time I have in the workday to have an uninterrupted meal and a conversation with a fellow adult. The slow walk to the kindergarten to pick up the youngest. The times when the children are engaged in their own activities and I am not needed. And my favourite part of the day, when I do not regret that routine I stick to diligently - their bedtime.

It is just a time for me to sit in the quiet of the house. Putting away my Mom-tag, my Teacher cap and just spend some time on my own. While some teenagers would stay up late, I have been very open to my teenager that I need him out of my sight - because I cannot be a mother for 24 hours and so, please, go sleep - because he had had a long day and he would appreciate all the sleep he is getting in his youth. What do I do when it is lights out for the children?
I watch Netflix. Or maybe, Netflix watches me, while I scroll away on the handphone.
I have that tea while it is still hot.
I have friends over for a chat.
Yes, those late nights will eat into my bedtime.
However, everyone's needs are different. I can function with lesser sleep if the night alone was peaceful. I get recharged in the presence of others and sometimes, in being alone.
I will still wake up in the morning and ready for work.

Having me-time is also said to be a way to take care of oneself physically and a chance to mentally disengage from anything and everything.
This, I do while they are around.
I think, my children understand that I love them but sometimes, I will purposely ignore them. They will leave me be as I take a walk to nowhere on the treadmill. They will occupy themselves while I fold the laundry and watch some videos on YouTube. They will sit and read quietly while I get lost in a book myself.

So yes, a single mom may rarely have an exclusive me-time. Yes, we can rope in the village that is often said needed to raise a child. Call on those villagers for a hand, if you need. However, I speak for myself, or even for some of the other single moms when I say that we try as much as we can,
to do it all on our own. 

Your me-time may not be like the moms who do lunch or go on a vacation or staycation away from family. Your me-time is probably like mine - still with the children in the same space but being unavailable to them mentally for an hour or two while still being accessible should they need me.
And that is okay.
As long as my objective of regaining the self, recharging and doing things for myself is met, I am all good.

If we are really honest, as moms - single, married, or in relationships- even in our me-time (and date nights),
our children appear in our minds,
our conversation,
and in our purchases when we are out on retail therapy.

And so, we shall make do with our own version of 24 hours.