what is different.

In the blur of divorce, a job, and motherhood, it was much appreciated that I had the support of my parents and a supportive community at work. This is, of course, said in hindsight.

Rewind this to more than a decade ago, I was filled with doubts and insecurities that made me feel I was not enough. I was not doing it well enough. I was not loving enough. I was not working enough. I was not learned enough. 

Parenting does not come with a handbook. 

The child does not come with a manual.

And the experiences of others, may not necessarily fit my situation. A little bit more than a decade ago, I had friends who were still in school or enjoying life, single or otherwise. 

There I was, with a child, dealing with raising one and grieving for another. That is another story for another day.

And this is the frustration of being a young mother with the help that she did not realize, back then, she needed.

Having just got started with the dream job and facing a divorce, the self was feeling a bit of both a success and a fail. On one hand, I felt like I have reached success in achieving a goal. On another, I was failing in my personal life. Ideally, we succeed in all aspects of our life. However, we are not living in an ideal world and so we make do.

The parents were always ready to help. And, I felt inadequate. I felt that they did not trust me to take care of their grandchild. It took me many years later before I let my guard down and made myself understand that they came from a good place with good intentions. 

I took their assistance as their love language to me. As an extension of their duties as a parent and a grandparent. I pride myself on being one who is non-judgmental. Then why did I question my parents'  help? Why did I place my insecurities as a clueless young mother come in the way of their attempts at being the best grandparent they want to be? Why did I make their help, about my inadequacies? 

What is different? 

I learned that it is okay to need help and ask for it.

Sometimes, in the face of expectations that we set upon ourselves, we have to take it as it is. 

Help is help. 

Whether you ask for it, or you did not.

Take it. 

Because, in these times, asking for help, is no longer a sign of weakness.

It never was. 

It has always been an act of love.

So I guess,

Parenting does not come with a handbook. 

The child does not come with a manual.

But, if we are lucky enough, parenting comes with loving grandparents.